What if...

What if the planet stopped rotating?

Somehow, say the core of the planet just froze in place, but the rest of the matter on this planet were still full of it's original kinetic energy. What would happen?

Would everything on the surface of the earth fly east? Would I be flung into my cubical wall? Would my office building pull up from the foundation? Would cars, buses, people, cats, dogs, trash cans, squirrels, and loose change go flying across the land? Would the oceans wash over half, or the entire continent?

Would the earth rip itself apart?

Sometimes...

I flush the toilet before I'm completely done peeing. Then I race the flush cycle.

Sometimes I win.
Sometimes...

Check your blind spot!

Now I'm not going to claim that driving a motorcycle makes you a better driver.
I still drive my truck like a mad-man in the city, and like grandma on the highway, but when you are on two wheels, you're only option is defensive driving. Period (in case you missed that dot after driving)

It seems that almost every trip with my bike involves avoiding some sort of hazard. Cell phone drivers, placid pedestrians, dumb dogs, tar snakes. But the other day I was coming home from work, cruising down Campus Dr, when all of a sudden the woman driving parallel to me starts veering into MY FUCKING LANE!

The only offense I had was my horn, and I wailed on that sucker like my life, no, my life DID depend on it! I hugged the shoulder of the road and let off the throttle to let her pass. She raised her hand near the rear-view mirror as if to say "whoops, my bad!" and kept on her path into my lane. Never did she swerve back to her side, or give any indication of a quick correcting reaction to my horn. I had no side arm, but boy did I shoot her the bird, and I was doing it as hard as I can!

It just happened that she was taking damn near the same path home as I. All the way to Willy. Maybe she had this thought: "Maybe that graphic designer, weighing 140 lbs. and wearing glasses, is just the one 140 lbs. glasses wearing graphic designer who isn't going to stand for my careless driving any longer? He's still fallowing me. OH GOD, he's still there, right behind me! What is he going to do? WHAT?"

I'll Ctrl+Z yo' ass

Socks like buttah'

A sock is a sock, right? Well sure they come in different colors and lengths, but they're still just a piece of textile that covers one's feet while stuffed in a shoe... right? I used to feel this way. I pretty much had a bunch of white and black socks of varying lenghts for different shoe/pants situations, and a few dress socks. After a few would get holes in them, they were cast aside and replaced with a new "bag" of Hanes premium socks, "Now a 7th pair absolutley free!".

I must now say that I've changed my simple foot cap dogma. One day I found myself before a wall of designer socks, and I'm now a total convert. I asked why anyone would pay more for 3 pairs of socks than they could get for 6 (7th pair free, while supplies last)? Then, the socks touched me. Well I touched them, but it was still a moving experience. I discovered "microfiber", or at least that is what Calvin Klien calls it. It's like a silky smooth layer of butter, without all the grease stains and saturated fat, for your feet. I'm sick of having to take my shoes off at work because my poor dogs get all stuffy. My feet want to breath, they want to feel free, they have rights too ya know.

My little toes were debating the purchase, arguing over monetary cost vs. daily comfort. Then the Big Toe silenced them all, for he was the biggest and sweat the most. It was settled, I decided it was an investment in quality product and superior comfort. My Big Toe agreed.

As we speak my feet are cool and comfortable in a pair of full leather Born shoes (I know, I know, if I can shell out for Born shoes, I shouldn't be wearing cheap Hanes socks in them) and they are breathing fine. How do they do it? I don't know. They still make them in Korea, or some other Asian country where other cheap crap is made. Maybe they are just made by only the finest Koreans... who still can't afford even Hanes socks.

Girls, be creamy.

Just when the internet seems to have run out of possibilities to waste your day, something like Engrish.com comes your way.

If you have a problem with wasting your life on a social networking site, then let this be your time wasting savior.

Not feel well. Get drunk.

TURBONEGRO must be destroyed!

Mark your calendars:

Turbonegro
High Noon Saloon
September 17th

I never really thought I would see the day. This might end up bumping someone off my top 5 concerts of all time.

Look at that High-brid go!

In celebration of Independence day, and the freedoms our forefathers fought for, Al Gore's son, Al Gore III, decided to take a cruise on the San Diego Freeway at 2am... at 100mph!

The Orange County Sheriff's department decided to pull him over to have a word with him, only to smell marijuana pouring out of the windows. A quick search revealed some weed, along with Valium, Vicadin, Xanax, and Adderall. What he didn't seem to have was a prescription for any of these drugs.

Now I really don't care too much about him being arrested for the second time in four years for possession. That doesn't impress me. What really impressed me, was the fact that the car he was speeding over 100mph in, was a Toyota Prius!! Now that's impressive.

What kind of MPG do you have at that speed?

Seriously?