Sunday, August 24, 2008

Primal mannerisms and unsettling vibes

Nothing could have prepared me for the scene I stumbled in upon as the back door closed behind me. I only ventured inside from the festivities of the back yard to get a beer, and maybe a cupcake or two. They were glazed in red and blue heaven, and I would hate to see the fruits of someone's Betty Crocker box go untouched.

There was little those sweet cupcakes could have done to pull my attention from group occupying the living room. If my memory serves me well (and during an incident such as this, it usually does), there were three ladies and one tall lanky blond dude making all kinds of ruckus on the rug in the center of the floor.

What grabbed hold of my attention's shirt collar, was that this "dude" (as noted above) was clamoring around on all fours like some kinda drunken wildebeest, pushing one of the ladies around the house with his head between her legs! I would later be told that this man "had to be on drugs". I was too, for that matter. This may have contributed to the dreadful feeling that I was witnessing some strange preternatural mating ritual; whereas the male will brutishly usher the female around with his abnormally thick brow. This would continue as the female tried to maintain her upright balance on two hind legs, resisting his advances just enough, but also responding with a giggling noise, further enticing the male. Eventually, if the female approves of this male's show of prowess, she will conceit by falling over backwards. The male will immediately claim his prize before any other males approach to challenge. This will begin the final act of a licentious and primeval courtship. Details of such are hazy; for no field observer has ever had the mental composure, or stomach, to bare full witness to this sight in its final throws.

I was not about to discover such horrors myself. Not tonight. And definitely not in my friend's living room, which harbored my very expensive DJ equipment. Personal and pricey possessions of mine that lay right in the path of this beast's sex charge! "What the fuck is going on in here?!?", I shouted. The eminent threat to my property was enough to snap me out the bewilderment this whole scene had created.

"We can't just all run around behaving like animals. This is someone's house for Christ's sake!". I must have sounded and looked more menacing than even I had planned for. Everyone stopped and seemed to almost cower in fear. The "dude" seemed to clear his head a bit, enough to babble out some apology in an effort to make amends. I couldn't make out what he said, nor did I care. A voice of authority had put the breaks on their whole show, and none of them saw it wise to challenge me for a second act. "Take that shit outside if you think this is some kinda petting zoo, or at least keep your distance from my equipment".

Primitive as they may have been at the time, the message rang true. Appeased with this, I headed back outside in search of some more advanced forms of life.

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